My Dream is Toast

My dream is to open a gourmet toast restaurant. I believe the gourmet toast market has been completely neglected and is grossly underserved.
                                                 
I will serve the finest breads toasted to order. The toasting process will be a technological marvel using lasers and molecular manipulation techniques. No heat coils will be allowed on the premises. The result will be toast perfection: better toast through science.

But inevitability people who come in will ask for butter to put on their toast. You DO NOT put butter on gourmet toast. What an insult. The only reason to use butter on toast is because inferior breads and antiquated toasting processes result in a dry piece of cardboard that cannot be consumed otherwise. My gourmet breads and superior toasting methods eliminate the need for butter or any spread.  But people will ask, and that will piss me off every single day.

So because of that I will not open a gourmet toast restaurant. It will remain just a dream.

Undiscovered Treasures

Great works can often go undiscovered because their creator chose not to finish them, decided they were not worthy, or simply moved on to other projects.

• For an artist, it can mean the discovery of paintings and sketches buried away in a trunk or storage space - or even uncovering an older painting underneath a new one where the artist reused the canvas.
• For a musician, it can mean the discovery of studio recordings for unreleased songs, early variations of well known songs, or notes on songs or lyrics.
• For a writer, it can mean the discovery of unfinished and unpublished books, stories, and manuscripts.

These undiscovered works are often treasures in their own right. They can also reveal information about the artist's evolution of thinking, influences, and experimental directions.

This made me think about what "undiscovered" works I may have lying around. There are some partially finished or barely started graphical and artistic ideas. There are notes for blog entries. The ideas that have rattled around in my head for years don't count because there is no tangible progress to discover.

Then it struck me - draft emails. In my job I communicate a lot over email. For any number of reasons, not every email I start composing gets sent.

What would someone uncover if they carried out an "archaeological dig" in my drafts folder? Inspirational words to change a life? Intellectual musings to change the world? Apparently not. Turns out almost all of my drafts fall into this category:

Perhaps that says everything it needs to about me.

Anatomy of a Comeback

The comeback. Everyone loves a comeback, right? A person or team is down, not performing well, and hope is fading; but then things change, their performance picks up, the deficit is erased, and the result is a victory. Everyone loves that story, except of course where your favorite is on the losing end.

The elements are basic:

• Starting Point - Everyone starts at a comparable level, relatively speaking
• Adversity - Events occur that cause one team (or person) to fall behind
• Turning Point - One or more events signal a reversal in fortune
• Victory - The successful outcome having triumphed over adversity to prevail in the end

Some may contend that victory is not a requirement, that it can still be considered a comeback even if you fall short of the goal. A moral victory. In competition, a moral victory is still a loss so then the comeback is not a true comeback.

But all comebacks are not created equal. Here are a few types:

• The Wake Up Call - The same main participants are involved throughout the entire competition. In the beginning (and middle) they are outperformed, causing them to fall behind. Then fortunes turn and they become the outperformers which leads to victory.
• Addition by Subtraction - Important participants for the opposition are removed from the competition or their ability diminished due to injury or other factors. Because of this, the dynamics of the competition change making the comeback possible.
• The Hero - New participants in key positions are introduced into the competition or a new plan is put into place, playing an instrumental role in achieving victory.

So which of these is the real feel good story?

The Wake Up Call really means that you dug yourself into a hole and were able to get out of it. You created the deficit that you're now celebrating having overcome. How about not creating the deficit in the first place?  Wouldn't that be a better story?

Addition by Subtraction means that you won only because of hardship suffered by the opposition. Otherwise, you were going to lose. It's still nice to win, but it doesn't reflect well on your ability.

The Hero is the true feel good comeback story, in my opinion. Those who contributed to digging the hole are replaced by ones who can fill it and then some. It may be that the people with the shovels remain the same but the person instructing them what to do is replaced or the plan is fundamentally changed. In any case, the comeback and victory is the result of deliberate action introducing new participants or plans. And that, I argue, is the essence of a true comeback.

Please Break the Memorabilia

It seemed like it happened in slow motion. The coffee mug fell from the cabinet down to the stone countertop and shattered. This wasn't just any coffee mug - it was a special sheep coffee mug from New Zealand. "The Sheepie Mug" as it was affectionately called. Obtained sixteen years earlier on a very memorable trip. The mug was very special. Very treasured. So special that it was no longer used, lest something happen to it while being handled. But apparently not special enough to be locked away in a protective display case.

As it fell and broke, so did my emotions. Sadness quickly set in. How could I let this happen? How could I be so careless? I recovered in a short amount of time, but I was still a little down. Life goes on. Boring life without the special coffee mug, that is.

Fast forward about a year. Same cabinet, another incident. This time there were two casualties. One was a mug from London that I liked, but wasn't on the "most treasured" list. The other was a mug I got from Rock City some 40+ years ago. It was special because it was old. Very old equals very special. But as I thought about its loss, I realized that I didn't really remember getting it in the first place. Heck, it might not even belong to me. In any case, I should be upset, right?

It was at that point I realized how meaningless these mementos really were. Yes, they were great remembrances of my past, but face it - they're useless. They were coffee mugs. COFFEE MUGS. Ones that weren't even used. Ones just taking up space in a cabinet.

I started thinking about how many things I hold onto because of "sentimental value". I'm not discounting the validity or value of it, but losing the mementos did not rob me of the memories (or lack thereof for the Rock City mug). It made me start thinking of how much else I'm holding on to needlessly.

So, please break the memorabilia. It doesn't take away the memories and can actually feel quite refreshing when all is said and done.

Now I have more space in my cabinet for new coffee mugs from different destinations. No, not really. I have a lot more yet to break before I'll ever need another one. I'm sure by then we'll take our coffee as pills as we ride in our hovercrafts.

Social Promiscuity

Your friends are promiscuous, well at least on social networks. How do I know? Let’s just say a friend told me.

This story is about the birth and rise of this friend and the conditions that allow him to exist at all. Think that imaginary friends are just for kids? Not anymore. What’s interesting is that the kids know their friend is imaginary, but the adults with imaginary social networking friends do not.


We Are Social Creatures

People join social networking sites to catch up with old and current friends, to share life events and opinions, and in general to be part of a community. We all want to feel loved and appreciated. For some people, their sense of popularity is measured by the numbers of friends, connections, and followers they have accumulated on their online identities.

More friends means you're more popular. People may start with the same intentions, such as only becoming social friends with people you really care about and then extending to others you know casually, but over time people can get corrupted. They want more friends. They need more friends. Social networking friends, that is.


An Illusion of Privacy

Social networking sites generally provide security settings to control who is able to view your posts and information. Even if you're very strict about your security settings you aren't protected.

Settings change and sometimes go away without you knowing. For example, Facebook used to have a setting to control who could view your wall, now called a timeline. With one change that suddenly no longer applied and people you prevented from seeing your wall could now see it. Did you know it happened? Probably not.

Try to keep up with all the privacy settings and new options. You can’t. The visibility of what you post is controlled not only by your own privacy settings but by the settings of the people with whom you interact. Translation: You have no real control over where the content you post ends up.

A simple rule to follow is that anything you post on a social network can be viewed by almost anyone in the world.

A Social Identity is Born

As an experiment, I created a Facebook profile for a fictitious person. A complete fabrication. Not pretending to be someone else, or similar to anyone. A whole new, yet imaginary, person.

The first step was to choose a name. I decided the person should be male because that’s what I know. His name needed to be rather bland and generic – forgettable, if you will. A name that makes you think that maybe you’ve met or known that person in the past. I won’t say which name I chose because that would blow his cover.

The second step was to choose a profile picture. I wanted someone roughly my age so I didn’t have to be concerned with time-sensitive references, for example, knowing the popular music or cartoons for someone born in a different decade. Not that I planned on using this identity to engage in conversations or discussions, but better to be safe in case the need arose.

I searched for a picture of someone on vacation, because people love to post vacation pics. The picture needed to show the person but from some distance so you couldn’t study their face too closely. And finally, I wanted a woman present as well to ease doubts for females who would receive my friend requests. Surely, if his profile picture shows a woman then he is in a committed relationship and not just out to meet and pick up random women online.

Setting up the Facebook profile took all of fifteen minutes – most of that finding a suitable picture. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, he is not friends with anyone that I am friends with on my social identities. That was one policy I established from the beginning.


Looking for Friends

Now that the profile for my fictitious identity was established, it was time for him to make some friends. You might think it would be hard for a fake person with no friends to find some. Au contraire. I started out with some random searches to find people with more than 1000 friends. I was pretty sure that these people didn’t really know over 1000 people. And I was right.

He started sending out friend requests to these “very popular” people. At this point I had no idea what would happen. Could my imaginary identity make even a single friend? The answer was yes. One by one his friend requests were accepted. Not all of them – it averaged about one in three – but he was no longer alone in this vast social world.

He was making friends: 1 friend, 3 friends, 7 friends.

With each new friend he made he would start to target their friends so his network would grow. Some people may not accept a friend request from a stranger, but if that person is friends with your friends then that somehow makes it acceptable.

Have you ever accepted a friend request from someone you didn’t know just because they were friends with five of your friends, or twenty, or fifty? Maybe you haven’t, but your friends have. The same people who won’t accept a request from someone they don’t know with no friends in common will nonetheless accept requests if there are common friends. “If he knows Bill then he must be okay.” Well, it turns out your friend Bill is an idiot.

Popularity and Pitfalls

Little by little his friend count grew: 15 friends, 25 friends, 40 friends.

I spent about five minutes each day sending out up to ten friend requests. I kept track of each friend request sent out and which ones were accepted. I had to make sure he didn’t send repeated requests to the same person. If the person rejected his first request then they might show up again on the suggested friends list, so I didn’t want to select them again because that would be nonproductive.

Facebook doesn’t like it when you have too many unanswered friend requests, so I had to cancel his old friend requests that were still pending. Were these people afraid to say no to a request from a stranger? Maybe they wondered “How do I know this person?” and thought they might remember him later. Maybe they were too polite to outright reject a friend request. Who knows.

He received some warnings along the way from Facebook saying that he shouldn’t send friend requests to people he doesn’t know. Wrist, consider yourself slapped.

He plodded along, just a little each day: 60 friends, 75 friends, 100 friends.

The criteria for selecting friend targets became less strict. In the beginning he only considered people with over 1000 friends. In time that dropped to 750, 500, and even 300. Interestingly, the percentage of people who accepted stayed about the same, likely helped by the fact that he had friends in common with the new targets.


The Seeker is Sought

One day, not too long after starting, something quite unexpected happened. Someone sent him a friend request. Someone, in their infinite wisdom, decided to send a friend request to a fictitious person. And that wasn’t the only one – he received a dozen friend requests over time. Of course, these people were using the suggested friends feature of Facebook, just like I did. The point is they didn’t care that they didn’t know the other person. They wanted to grow their friend list. More friends on Facebook means you’re more popular in life, right? Being gracious, he accepted most though not all of the requests.

So what did he post as status updates while growing his friend list? Not much, really. Mostly inane comments in general, some observations on current events, and some comments and likes on other people’s posts. He generally kept a low profile, but wanted to show some activity for the sake of appearances.

And his friend list continued to grow: 130 friends, 160 friends, 200 friends.

He stopped pursuing new friends once he was well past 200. The point had been proven. It took about three months to get these friends using a made-up profile, more than I made with my real life profile in a few years. Then again, I chose to be friends with real people I actually know. At least I think they’re all real.


Warm Wishes

Another unexpected surprise came in the form of birthday wishes to my fictitious identity. I created a birth date for him because you need one to set up a profile. For kicks, I left it visible so people could see it. But still, I did not expect anyone to wish a happy birthday to someone who didn’t exist.

Not only did he get a few birthday wishes, he in fact received a large number of them. Many were the standard “Happy Birthday” and “Have a great day!” messages, but some people put more thought into it and posted a nice message. An actual message like you would send to an actual friend.

The next year he received even more birthday greetings. One contained a little heart icon. I found that one to be extra special.

So, feel good when your friends wish you a happy birthday, but know that they’re doing the same to people they don’t know and who don’t even exist. When a person you know from years and years ago that you never communicate with reaches out with a birthday message and you get to feeling special that they thought about you, then don’t. They probably send even nicer messages to people who don't exist.


Fictitious, Not Malicious

I am continually amazed at what people choose to share online. Perhaps they don’t realize that it can be seen by almost anyone, or perhaps they don’t care. In my experiment I didn’t collect any personal information nor was that my intent. But were I so inclined, there was no shortage of personal and juicy tidbits to harvest.

And yes, I’m sure creating a fictitious identity violates the Facebook terms and conditions. Heck, they may even ban my real identity. It doesn’t matter to me, though. I’ll camp out on Google+. It’s much less crowded there, so I get more legroom.


Social Condoms

Getting back to where we started, what lessons can we learn from this experiment?

• It doesn’t matter how careful you are at screening your friends because you can’t control who they’re friends with and how careful they are.
  
• Your friends are socially promiscuous. Not all, maybe not many, but I guarantee that some are. Just like sex, it’s not only who you sleep with but who that person has slept with. Which means that anything you post that can be seen by friends and their friends is public information.
  
• What you post online can be used against you in many ways. People have been fired from jobs for inappropriate online activity. Medical conditions you discuss could pose a problem. Posting about vacations while you’re away can lead to break-ins. Does it happen often? No, but it does happen. Why put yourself at risk?
  
• If you are one who puts faith in friend decisions made by your friends, then at least change your security settings so that non-friends are not able to see your friends list. Otherwise, someone who wants to target you can first target your friends and accumulate friends in common with you before sending a friend request to you. Now instead of receiving a friend request from a completely anonymous person, it is from someone who has friends in common with you. What you don’t know is that none of your friends actually know that person.
  
• The only way to be safe is to protect yourself. Assume that anything you post online can be seen by anyone in the world who cares to find it. No court order, subpoena, or government intrusion is required. Just someone with a few minutes a day, half a plan, and a search engine or two.

Your Pledge Repeat after me… My social network friends are promiscuous. I will not share anything on a social network that I don’t want the whole world to know about. Ever.

What Matters

---

What Matters

Wading in the surf

Ignoring the waves

For they matter not

Waves come and waves go

Not worthy of names

For they matter not

'Til that rare moment

Taken by surprise

A wave that matters

Knocking you over

Upset but laughing

A wave that matters

Strolling home smiling

Ignoring the waves

For they matter not

---

This may seem out of place.  Out of character.  He has lost his mind.  Stick to the inane, drivel-boy.  But I see it differently.

It seems out of place because I do not have a place to post things such as this, so I chose to post it here.  My character likes to explore varied areas to gain new experience, although it doesn't happen as often as I would like.  One can argue that I lost my mind quite a long time ago, and one may or may not win that argument.  And as for the inane drivel, well, that comes exceedingly naturally and takes many different forms.

This is my useless poetry drivel.  Something that formed in my mind while sitting in an airport waiting for a flight, sitting on a plane waiting to take off, flying the red-eye exhausted but not able to sleep.  Something that starts as a single idea, a single emotion, and then takes on a life of its own in my mind.

I will never be a Yeats or a Keats.  Instead of Ode to a Grecian Urn, I am much more likely to create Ode to Grecian Formula.

The poem is meaningful to me, inspired by life events.  Yet, in the grand scheme, I still classify it as useless poetry drivel.  But it is my useless poetry drivel, and that is what matters to me.

Because...

Our view of the world is influenced by so many things.  There are obvious associations and others that are much less so.  This video is the story of one observation that makes complete sense in my world.

Life Cropping

In photography the term cropping refers to trimming down a picture to focus on what's important and remove unnecessary and distracting elements. Most photo editors give you some ability to crop a photo and save off the result. As we all know, there are many, many people who aren't aware of the benefits of cropping or perhaps just don't know how. If you're crop-illiterate, do a web search or ask a friend how to do it on your computer, phone, tablet, whatever.

Going beyond the realm of photos, one can think of the concept of Life Cropping. The same premise applies: Focus on what's important and remove unnecessary and distracting elements. It is too easy to get caught up in the noise of everyday life coming from work, kids, bills, relationships, and so on. Take the time to look at your life and determine which parts should stay in the picture and which should be cropped to improve the picture that is your life.

Now in case you're thinking "he's gone all inspirational on us", well "he" hasn't. I started out with the idea for the picture below.

After seeing thousands too many uncropped pictures on the internet, I wanted to poke fun at them. It started with a simple idea of just the fortune cookie, but that didn't translate well by itself so I added the other elements.

Maybe the moral of the story is there are life lessons everywhere. You just have to look for them.

What's in a name?

You have a name.  You must have a name - the government forces you to have one.

You may have been named by your parents at birth.  You may have been adopted as a baby and renamed.  You may have decided at some point in life that you wanted to change your name.  No matter what, you have a name.

There is the "why did my parents pick this name" aspect and then there is the "what does my name mean" aspect.  As a kid I remember being interested in the meaning of my name.  We had some book that listed names and their meanings.  And there it was... Brian = "strong one".  Yes!  Score!  My name conveys power and superiority.  I am truly fortunate to have this name.

Fast forward to my (much) older and (somewhat) wiser self.  It was during one of my dedicated introspection sessions that I had a revelation.  In this case the "dedicated introspection session" was when I was washing my car.  I started thinking about names and their meanings.  The much delayed light bulb that went off in my head was that almost without exception all the names were associated with something positive.

What does your name mean?  King, Queen, Princess, Holy One, Majestic, Strong, Angelic, Conquereor... even Strong One, just to name a few.  Anyone detect a pattern here?  Of course, it's so obvious - the "meaning" of each name is at best associated with someone in history (factual or fictitious) with whom you can make a positive association.

You're not getting the whole story - not by any means.  What if you were told that statistically your name which means "strong one" was associated with 0.001% of the people who ever carried that name?  Make you feel better?  Of course not.

And that's the point.  These name meaning reference guides will refer to the best name association available for that name.  They won't mention that there was only ever one person in the history of the world who lived up to the "meaning" of that name.  For every high performing namesake, there are scores, hundreds, thousands, and more of people with the same name who dream of mediocrity but don't even reach that stage.

So now that it's out in the open let's be real here.  You try to pull a good meaning from your name but often there was no thought beyond it being the name of a relative to whom a loan payment is owed or a name that "just sounds good and doesn't rhyme with any curse words".

No one enters the name game thinking they want a name that means "weak underperformer", "slovenly poop scraper", or "oafish crossdresser".  But reality is that there are probably many, many more of those types of people with that name than there are kings, queens, princesses, strong ones, etc.

So celebrate your name.  Don't feel entitled in any way because of what one of those name reference lists says your name means.  It's really just propaganda.  Live your life and make a name for yourself.  Inspire others to name their kids after you, at which point they can cite the positive meaning of the name.

Then again, if the kid has an innate research drive, they'll quickly find that while the name was inspired by a noble and esteemed colleague or friend, the reality is that the name was chosen somewhat arbitrarily.

No parent is going to say "I've named you after an oafish crossdresser".  Parents are funny that way.

Thoughts on the New Orleans Saints

Week 3 of the 2012 NFL season is complete and the New Orleans Saints have yet to win a game.  The games were all pretty close, but as you know close is meaningless.

Because of the bounty scandal, their head coach Sean Payton was suspended for the entire season.  Other coaches and even their GM were suspended for part of the season.  Some players were suspended, though those suspensions have been put on hold, at least temporarily.  The team lost their second round draft picks in 2012 and 2013.

The team and fans felt that the punishment far exceeded the crime.  They adopted an "us against the world" mentality.  Unfortunately, the world seems to be winning, at least for now.

Given the perfect clarity that three games can deliver, I have the following observations:

1. Sean Payton is a genius.  Obviously he is the reason why the Saints have performed so well over the past several years.  Seriously, what team loses their head coach and immediately falls from the top echelon of the league to the basement?  You'd expect a team to fall if their star quarterback could not play.  Look at Peyton Manning and the Colts.  Without him they had nothing.
   
   
2. Sean Payton is an idiot.  He was suspended because he lied and tried to cover up evidence that a bounty program existed.  He didn't get punished for the "crime" itself.  Ask Martha Stewart and numerous others - getting caught lying gets you in more trouble than if you had been truthful up front.
   
   
3. Sean Payton is a genius.  People believed he was an exceptional coach, but without being suspended no one would understand how the entire team's success depended on him.  Because of his forced absence, that point becomes abundantly clear.  Upon return, his salary should be doubled or tripled.  Without him, the team is directionless.

4. The Saints defense is like a Play-Doh extruder.  You know the things where you put in the Play-Doh, press down, and it comes out the other end in shapes and patterns?  That's the Saints defense.  They're not stopping anything.  Put in the doh, press lightly, and out the other end comes big plays, touchdowns, and field goals.  It's just that easy.
   
   
5. Gregg Willams used old Play-Doh.  Think what you want about former Saints defensive coordinator Gregg Williams and his style of coaching and personal ethics, but one thing is sure:  He knew how to harden up the Play-Doh.  The defense was still an extruder, but it was much harder to get that doh out the other end.  Steve Spagnuolo, the new Saints defensive coordinator, brought all new Play-Doh.  Teams squeeze it out the other end with very little effort.
   
   
6. Drew Brees was fortunate.  Brees received a new 5-year $100M contract before the season.  He is a great quarterback, but as we find out now he's not the reason why the Saints were so successful - it was all Sean Payton.  If Brees' contract were up after this season then I'm sure he'd get a whole lot less.  After all, Chase Daniels could have delivered an 0-3 start for next to nothing.  Brees should kick a little cash over to Payton, heck, a lot of cash.
   
   
7. The Saints found a way to stick it to Goodell.  As part of their bounty sanctions, the Saints will lose their second round pick in 2013.  The Saints' record will be so poor this year that they'll get the first draft pick in 2013.  Since Goodell didn't take away their first round pick in 2013, this is the best way the Saints could say "in your face".

It's all so obvious, isn't it?

Video Puzzle #1

This video depicts a memorable movie quote.  What is the quote and in what movie did it become famous?

If you can't figure it out or want to see the scene then click here.

Like Strategy

What is your “like” strategy on Facebook?  Do you have one?  Do you think about it?

While you think, I’ll tell you some of mine.  In general, I probably give out twice as many likes as I get.  Not sure really – I never counted.  I feel the world can use more likes.  That said, I don’t just like things for the sake of propagating likes… read on.

Some likes are almost automatic…

• Get engaged = like
• Get married = like
• Have a baby = like
• Get a new job or promotion = like
• Get divorced = like if I like you and I have some clue that this is a good thing for you

But so many more are conditional…

• Kid accomplishments = occasional like, just depends on what they do and how often they do it
• Little kid accomplishments = higher chance for like, because they’re cute
• Having a beer by a pool = like, unless you posted the same thing yesterday or you do it every week, though I do make exceptions
• Just having a beer (no pool involved) is not a like, unless your name is Matt, Frank, or Dwayne (no reason except that I get to make my own rules) in which case you might get one
• Vacation is usually a like, unless you take too many in which case I’ll withhold some other likes I would normally give for other things
• “It’s Friday!!!” and related calendar-centric proclamations do not warrant a like
• Pasting a joke is not usually a like, but there are exceptions
• Pictures will get a like if there is something about it that is interesting such as the setting, subject, or an emotion.  It’s not just the “pretty pictures” that get a like.
• A post about a favorite or least favorite team may get a like on game days
• New house, new car, new boat = might be a like, though personal possessions pale in comparison to human events.  An exception is if that new possession really represents an accomplishment such as being successful in a new career.
• Have a colonoscopy = uh, not like

Some other guidelines...

• I generally don’t like quotes that are posted.  I have no problem with people posting them and often think the quotes are entertaining, but they just don’t get a like.
• The same applies for most news articles and other links.  Occasionally if the content is especially entertaining or meaningful to me I’ll toss out a like, but not usually.
• Those pictures with sayings that people post do not get a like, period.  They may be funny, but you didn't come up with it.  I want to like what you do, not what you find.
• Posting something original will often get a like, even if it’s not particularly interesting or humorous – you tried, I like that.  Okay, not always, but I much prefer original thoughts over recycled ones.
• A good riff on someone else’s post gets a like.
• Like my posts and you’re probably more likely to get some likes back, but that’s not a guarantee.  You still have to register in one of the areas above.
• Sometimes I give likes for completely random reasons so trying to discern reason is often futile (why did he like that?).  I reserve the right to toss out random likes at my discretion.

If you like everything that everyone does then it’s hard to determine what you really like.  Also, liking someone’s comment is one thing.  Liking that someone comments is another.

Likes can be relative.  For some people I like a lot of what they post but can’t click like every time because that waters down the meaning.  If I click like for most of your posts, how can I tell you when I really, really like something?  Sure, that could warrant a comment, but that takes it to a whole new level that is outside the scope of this discussion.  Yes, you're penalized for being interesting, funny, thoughtful, and insightful - but if you're one of those and haven't figured out that I appreciate what you post then either I'm doing a bad job at communicating it or you're not paying attention.

It doesn’t really matter if I’m happy or sad, relaxed or stressed.  Giving me a smile or a different point of view on a crappy day means quite a bit.

So there’s my strategy, such as it is.  It’s not really a strategy but more of a reflection on what things I tend to like over others.

I don’t expect you to like this post.  In fact, I’m not even posting it on Facebook.  The most I’ll have there is a link to it, and even by my own definition I don’t like links.

If you have your own like or not like strategy or just random thoughts I’d love to hear it.  And maybe I’ll like them.

I Hear Voices

Early this morning I found out that my smoke detector talks. Yep, you heard what I said, it talks.

At about 4:45am as I was waking up I swore I heard a loud beep followed by what sounded like a police radio. I wasn't sure if it was a dream, so I went downstairs to get ready for my 5am conference call. Then I heard it again. No dream this time... but I was completely stumped. What the f--- is making that noise and talking? I eliminated the possibility that there was a police officer hiding in my closets and frankly was befuddled.

I decided to check the smoke detectors to see if any of them had a red or blinking light or something, but they were all green and smiling. I had no idea how the voice worked into this scenario, but one thing at a time.

As I stood in the upstairs hallway scratching my head (well, scratching... let's just go with head) the smoke detector above me proceeds to make the loud beep and then say in its best walkie talkie voice "Low battery". Great, mystery solved.

But really, when did they start making talking smoke detectors? The answer is 2009 apparently. File that in the category of "news to me". The house is about two years old in case you're wondering how I didn't know already. That would've been a really good thing for the builder to cover during the walk-through.

If any of the electronic fates are listening, next time something completely unexpected starts talking to me, like the toaster oven, can you please make it happen in the afternoon?

Brand Promotion and Beliefs

Remarks by Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy against gay marriage have created a huge amount of news coverage and public support/outrage.  Those who agree his stance have been flocking to the fast food restaurant in droves to show their support.  On August 1, 2012, an independently organized effort to get people who oppose gay marriage to visit Chick-fil-A generated huge crowds and record sales. On August 3, 2012, this was countered by same sex "kiss-ins" at some locations.  The only chicken consumed at those events was chicken-flavored lip gloss.

Does Dan Cathy's opposition to gay marriage indict Chick-fil-A as a whole?  Well, yes and no.  People often associate the beliefs of a leader with that of an entire company.  Does everyone who works at Chick-fil-A feel that way?  Of course not.  Do they discriminate against people based on sexual orientation?  Nope.  Are there thousands of businesses you patronize on a regular basis or whose products you buy that have leaders with beliefs counter to yours or that donate money to organizations you abhor?  Yep, but you are mostly unaware.

The point is that in this case a public remark ignited a firestorm, however the "problem" is hardly unique.  To the extent that it brings about civil debate on a subject then it was well worth the coverage.

But here's a separate matter to consider.  One that doesn't get discussed much.  If you're a spokesperson for a company there are very strict guidelines you must abide by to keep your reputation in good standing because your image is associated with the product/company you're promoting.  Get arrested in a drunken bar brawl, assault a police officer, commit battery against a domestic partner, or get exposed for a long string of extra-marital affairs and you'll likely find yourself out of an endorsement contract.

You have contractual obligations to the company, but what obligations do they have to you?  If the company you endorse is now associated with a stance that you do not believe in, is there recourse?  Are you entitled to state your own opinion on the matter?

Specifically for Chick-fil-A, what do the cows think?  Here is what I think they'd say:

Cows are generally known to be progressive thinkers.  They haven't developed the verbal skills of the Geico gecko yet, but they apparently have learned to fashion crude signs.

And I don't think they're worried about getting fired... flame broiled yes, but fired no.

Picture Puzzle #1

Name that tune...

My Dog Knows Customer Service

My dog Bobby can teach you a lesson about how to keep your customers happy.  Really, he can.

First let me set the scene.  At our house we have an invisible fence that keeps him in the yard, so as a result he's able to roam freely in the front and back yards.  He loves to hang out on the front porch and when it's not too hot he loves to lay out on the driveway.

As is common almost anywhere, there are delivery vehicles that pass by on a regular basis.  If a delivery was being made to our house I would usually call Bobby inside to avert the confrontation between dog and delivery person.  Drivers come equipped with dog treats to help them make the peace, but that doesn't always work.

One thing I noticed over time is that the UPS driver would slow down and throw a treat to Bobby on the driveway even if he wasn't going to make a delivery to our house.  The purpose became clear – he was building goodwill.  Brown truck + person in brown uniform = treat = happy feeling.

Now let's compare this to the FedEx drivers who don't provide treats unless they have a delivery and even then not every time.  I received a call recently from a FedEx guy stating that he was trying to make a delivery but that the dog would not let him on the driveway.  Apparently Bobby really didn't like this guy.  And why should he?  This person was a complete stranger and there was no positive association with a white delivery truck, only brown ones.

The UPS drivers in my area made an effort to continue building a relationship even when there was no immediate business associated with it.  The FedEx drivers did not.  The result is that Bobby had a better impression of UPS than he did of FedEx.

Think of how this applies to your customers.  Do you do the little things to keep your customers engaged and provide them with perks (“treats”) even when you're not selling them something?   If you don’t then you should.  That way when you try to sell them something the next time, you can be greeted with a wag and “let onto the driveway” or at least have a better chance at success as opposed to being barked at and kept shut out or at best having a difficult time achieving your objective.

Bobby is available for customer success consulting.

Mondelez is the new Mississippi

Kraft spun off its snack food business into a separate company, which means they had to come up with a name for that new company.  They decided to eschew the route of hiring a marketing agency to help find a new name and decided to solicit suggestions from their own employees.

After sifting through thousands of suggested names they settled upon the name Mondelez.  Yep, Mondelez.  Really, that’s what they decided was the best.  Makes me wonder if they sorted the list with worst on top instead of best.

It is pronounced mohn-duh-LEEZ.  Officially, the emphasis is on the last syllable.  I think the emphasis should be on the middle syllable instead – DUH.

The name is a combination of two words that mean “world” and “delicious” in several languages.  At least that was their interpretation.  After some crack investigation, I found that a small Pacific island where that name means “gullible sheep”.  (I haven’t figured out how you determine the difference between a gullible and non-gullible sheep, but that’s a different topic.)

When you name a company you have to conduct a trademark search to find out if that name is used anywhere else by another company or even sounds or is spelled similarly to another company or product.  On this one I think the search took about 10 minutes.  I hope the trademark search company was paid a fixed fee instead of by the hour.

One big problem is that all the good company names are already taken, so a company that needs a new name is forced to wander off into the land of made up mash up words.  The goal is usually to find some really cool name that conveys the history and mission of the company in three syllables or less.  That’s a tall task, for sure, but you have to know when to keep searching.

The company I work for went through a name change last year.  In the search for the perfect name we came up with many, many really, really bad names.  A few of these really, really bad names came frighteningly close to being “the name” but fortunately they were eventually ruled out.  Even the winning name wasn’t an instant success, but the heart did warm to it over time.

Growing up in Louisiana we were often low in categories that you’d rather not be low in, such as education.  No matter what, though, there was one saying that we could always take comfort in: “At least we’re not Mississippi”.  I imagine that people in Alabama used that one as well.  The point is that we may be bad, but someone else is worse.

That’s why Mondelez is the new Mississippi, at least in the corporate world.  No matter how bad the name of your company sucks, you can always say “At least we’re not Mondelez”.

Deceptive Product Labeling

Previously, I shared an example of a Happy Product Design.  Take one mundane syrup bottle, add some creativity, and voilà you make something unexpected and interesting.

Now for an example of the "dark side" of product design, specifically in the labeling.  Not dark in a truly evil way, but definitely on the shady side.  Here it is...

The text "40% More" is prominently displayed on the label.  Now read the fine print... "than our 14 oz".  Ah, now you see.  They're not saying "40% Free", they're just saying "40% More".  And, surely enough 20 oz. is 40% more than 14 oz. (after rounding).  It's a mathematical exercise.

And guess how much this product costs?  Why yes, it costs about 40% more than the 14 oz. version.

Many people are tuned to look for labels with "40% More", "25% More", etc.  Often people don't notice that the word "Free" is missing and reach for the product thinking they're getting a bargain, but they're not.  That's what the manufacturer is counting on to boost sales.

Even if you do figure out that you're not getting anything extra for free, the prominent "40% More" text will get you to notice this product above others because we're trained to look for deals and at first glance this one matches the pattern.

This is not unique to French's mustard - not by any means.  I've seen many more examples of this before.  In this case, I like the product and a stunt like this doesn't change my likelihood to buy it.  So no harm done, right?  Well, not in this case, for me, but for other products it could definitely have an impact.

So what's the lesson?  Read labels carefully and understand what you're getting.  Or don't do it and live your life being manipulated by evil product labeling designers who laugh at you.

Musical Twitter

Are you a Twitter aficionado? Twitter literate (twitter-ate)? Well then, read on. If you don't know what Twitter is, how it works, or why a Twitter message is called a tweet instead of a twit then this post isn't for you.

People develop their own Twitter usage strategy. Whether you think about it or not, you do. Stating it in words is one thing, but why not put it to music? Better yet, let's dig up songs from amazingly forward-thinking bands who, dare I say, predicted the emergence of Twitter.

There's the Genesis approach of let's all follow each other...

Genesis - Follow You, Follow Me  I will follow you will you follow me  All the days and nights that we know will be  I will stay with you will you stay with me  Just one single tear in each passing year

How nice. In the twitter-verse this is known as #teamfollowback, among other things. Face it, I need more followers, you need more followers, let's do this.

And then there's the Uncle Kracker approach where you assert that people should follow you and that will make their life better...

Uncle Kracker - Follow Me  Follow me everything is alright  I'll be the one to tuck you in at night  And if you Want to leave I can guarantee  You won't find nobody else like me

Why, you're a fool if you don't follow someone like me. I'm here to help you. I'm doing you a favor by putting myself out on Twitter for people like you to follow.

Finally (for today), there's the U2 approach which I consider to be a sheep strategy...

U2 - I Will Follow  Walkaway, walkaway  I walkaway, walkaway...I will follow  If you walkaway, walkaway,  I walkaway, walkaway...I will follow  I will follow

Sheep, lemming, you decide. No matter what you do I'm going to follow you. You don't know who I am... no problem. I'm there following what you do. You don't need to acknowledge my existence, that's perfectly okay. It could be construed as a stalker approach, but I think not. I'm sticking with sheep.

Everyone has to define their own Twitter strategy. Whether you sing it out loud, hum a tune, or lip sync badly, there is a Twitter melody inside of you somewhere.

Facebook: Witness to the Downturn

A Simple Fact

It’s hardly a bold prediction.  It’s not all that insightful, really.  But it is a certainty:  Facebook will fade away.  I’m not talking this year, or even next (if there is one), but some time well before the end of this decade.  It will happen much more quickly than many people would guess.  It won't go away.  AOL and MySpace still exist, though they're only shells of what they used to be and aspired to become.

The downturn of Facebook has already begun and I have witnessed it firsthand.  The explanation of how I know this is very simple.  If you want to save time, just skip over the meaningless filler material regarding what other people think and head straight to the How I Know section.

What Others Are Saying

For those of you who want to prolong the reveal, here are some samples of what some other people are writing.

Alex Cowles compares Facebook’s evolution to MySpace.  He liked the simple, clean style of Facebook in the early days, but that has fallen by the wayside.

“It's countless re-posts of that same picture of a goldfish farting, and thousands of "lol" related acronyms and suchlike. It's the knowledge that every time your "friends" even think about thinking about you, you’ll get a notification, a tag, a nudge, a gift, a message, an invite, a calendar event, a slap, a poke, a shove, a fight, a cavity search, an anal intrusion ad infinitum. It's the masses and their insatiable appetite for the lowest common denominator.”

Facebook is the new MySpace - The Demise of Facebook Has Begun

Douglas Rushkoff chronicles the rise and fall of several companies that skyrocketed to perceived success only to fall as quickly.  Among the debris, AOL and MySpace.

“The object of the game, for any one of these ultimately temporary social networks, is to create the illusion that it is different, permanent, invincible and too big to fail. And to be sure, Facebook has gone about as far as any of them has at creating that illusion.”

“So it's not that MySpace lost and Facebook won. It's that MySpace won first, and Facebook won next. They'll go down in the same order.”

Facebook hype will fade

Jason Huffman thinks that the noise level from people posting humorous pictures, news, and other random material waters down the reason why he started using Facebook in the first place and ultimately steers him to other communication tools such as Twitter.

“I guess what frustrates me most is that Facebook, an absolutely incredible social medium, is no longer about relationships.”

“As Facebook has turned the corner from being less about relationships and more about information, I believe the clock is ticking.  And this is no fault of Mark Zuckerberg or Facebook’s management group.  I think this is what we want as a culture.  People are wired to share things and post things that gratify the ego, which increases the capacity for humorous postings and unoriginal song lyrics that attain a bunch of "likes".”

The Demise of Facebook

Cadie Thompson reports on an interview with Eric Jackson in which Jackson gives his opinion on why Facebook will fade away.  Not disappear completely, mind you, but move off to a nice, rest home in much the same way that Yahoo has shuffled off.

"When you look over these three generations, no matter how successful you are in one generation, you don't seem to be able to translate that into success in the second generation, no matter how much money you have in the bank, no matter how many smart PhDs you have working for you."

Facebook Will Disappear in 5 to 8 Years: Analyst

There are, of course, literally hundreds if not thousands of articles and blog posts that carry similar themes.  These were a few examples that illustrate some interesting points.


How I Know

Now that you’ve made it past the filler material of what other people think, I’ll tell you how I know for sure that Facebook will indeed fade away.  I'll tell you how I know the downturn has already begun.  It may not appear as a downturn in total number of users, or numbers of posts, or advertising dollars - at least not yet.  No, it's actually much worse than that.

You see, I have a teenage daughter.  She was glued to Facebook for the better part of the last two years.  And now… well… she’s “over it”.  Her Facebook use dropped dramatically.  She even quit cold turkey for seven weeks this spring.  I thought she’d make it a day or maybe a week, but she easily cruised through the entire self-imposed ban.  She still gets on it sometimes, but instead she’s moved on to other things.  

Instagram, now that’s cool (which is why Facebook was threatened enough to buy them for $1B).  Twitter trumps Facebook… at least until the next thing comes along.

Many of her friends feel the same way about Facebook.  Here are a couple sample tweets to illustrate:

They are the future.  They will shape what the next big thing will be.  Sure, they will change their mind.  And change it again, and again, and again....

And Facebook?  Well, apparently that’s so 2011.